You're Not Alone: Can't judge a book by it's cover

You know the saying "you can't judge a book by its cover"? I know in my heart that this is a true statement but I also know that most people do just that. They take one look at my boy and form an opinion without ever talking to him. It is so sad that many people will never get to know the real Corey. Most people can't get past the crooked glasses with stuff all over the lenses, the bad breath from chewing on stuff or the body odor when he forgets his deodorant. This is one of the things I am struggling with right now. I am trying to figure out how to combat these things...one at a time, so that Corey's freshman year of high school is not a repeat of his dismal, friendless middle school years.

I remind him verbally everyday about the deodorant and plan to have some with his resource teacher in case he forgets. I am trying to get him to carry breath spray aor gum, but he hates the taste of mint. I have been working with him to try and move him into contact lenses. Every day we pretend to put my old lenses in his eye, so that he gets used to touching his eyes. Not sure the contacts will work out but it's worth a try.

My dilemma is...what am I teaching my son by getting him to change his habits. Am I teaching him to judge people by the outside? I am concerned that he sees these changes as a way to make friends. He believes just getting contacts will make him more popular.I know this isn't true but I do believe his "nasty" glasses turn some people off. I also know that when I got contacts and my braces off in high school, my life changed dramatically for the better. Sigh...such a conundrum! What would you do?

Anne

photo credit: timuiuc via photo pin cc

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You're Not Alone: Adventures of Parenting a Teenage on the Spectrum #02

Today I came to the horrible realization that things are only going to get worse in the next few years. I feel like we have been coasting along in Middle School, we have had many hurdles but things have been relatively calm. My son Corey’s social issues are really beginning to cause him to stick out. His lack of social graces makes his little brother crazy!

For instance, Corey chews on everything! I mean everything! He has destroyed headphone cords, blankets, and clothing. When we go out to eat, he devours his straw to the point that it is gross. We have tried many things. Gum worked for a while, until I started finding chewed gum all over the house...in the carpet, in my closet, on the counter, in the refrigerator, and in people’s and animals hair! OK no more gum allowed! I have looked at the Chew Sticks online but they look so infantile that I think they would draw more attention to him not less. Corey also pulls off the back of remotes and chews the back. I have ducktaped the backs and put in big black letters...Corey No! but nothing has worked. I would love to hear any ideas others have tried.

Another issue is that Corey doesn’t care about his appearance at all. Even when I point out the obvious problems he just doesn’t care. Hygiene is a major issue. Corey hates the taste and consistency of toothpaste, and he has AWFUL breath (probably from chewing on everything!) so its always a fight to get him to brush his teeth.

Corey’s pants are always falling down, and he seems to think this is a funny thing. His brother yells at him everyday to pull up his pants. We are trying to remind him every day to wear a belt but he just doesn’t care.

I was not the most fastidious about my own appearance growing up and it caused me no end of pain. Finally in high school, I started to care and things changed for the better. I am hopeful that somehow that switch will be turned on for Corey. He is such a sweet, generous, giving and caring young man, but often people can’t see past the other things. I am worried. I am hopeful. I am scared. I am nervous. I am a parent.


Anne

Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons:  kharied

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Your Not Alone: The Adventures of Parenting a Teenager on the Spectrum

My name is Anne. Patrick asked me to start a guest blog on his amazing network and although I am honored I am not really sure what to share. Today I will give you a little background on me and my family. I have always worked with children who have special needs in some capacity. First in recreation as a teenager and then in the classroom as a special education teacher.  Currently, I work in a school district that is entirely special education. I work 2 days a week in a school and serve as an Instructional Tech Specialist providing professional development to adults on different tools for teaching and learning. 


My son Corey is 13 (God help me) and has been labeled or diagnosed with many different categories over the years. I noticed that Corey was special right away, but I waited until others could see that his activity level was not “just a boy” thing. Once others started pointing it out (age 4) I immediately took Corey to be evaluated by a pediatrician, psychologist, psychiatrist and a pediatric neurologist. At the time they were all so hesitant to tell me what was “wrong” with my son. The first label was ADHD with hyperactivity disorder, later they threw in OCD (which I never saw) and Pervasive Developmental Disorder...a few years later it became a non verbal learning disability combined with a sensory motor impairment until finally at about age 10 it became what it is now...on his IEP the label is Other Health Impairments but in documents, Corey (now 13) is a teenager on the spectrum with high functioning Aspergers.

Corey has a younger brother, Nathan age 10, who is competitive, socially popular, funny, bratty and acts as a parent and “older” brother in most situations. My husband is amazing! I know how lucky I am. Not only is he an amazing person but he is a great father to both of our boys.

These blog posts will detail the struggles, challenges and successes that we go through in next few years. I often feel like the worst parent in world! I hope you will find solace in knowing that you are not alone.


Anne

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